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UNCONDITIONAL POSITIVE STROKES
Positive strokes come in several varieties. These
varieties are called: 1) unconditional positive strokes, and 2)
conditional positive strokes.
In this section, we will discuss unconditional
positive strokes. We will discuss the remaining forms of
conditional stokes in the sections that follow.
Unconditional Positive Strokes
Unconditional positive strokes are positive strokes that
are given freely, and as their name implies, without conditions.
Whether they are given to a person in the form of a hug, a smile, a
compliment, or an invitation to engage in a conversation, they are given
just because the person is there, just because he exists.
They are not conditioned upon his doing something in order to receive
them. They are clear, straightforward signs of acceptance, and when
mothers and fathers give them freely and spontaneously to their own sons
and daughters, they represent clear, unconditional expressions of love.
The impact that warm, unconditional positive strokes have
on a young person early in life cannot be overemphasized. They produce,
inside the youngster, a continuous series of comfortable “warm”
feelings. They create within him the impression that life is warm and
comfortable, that life is positive, that life is fun, that life is
wonderful, and that there is nothing negative, tentative, or
conditional about his existence.
Unconditional positive strokes are given to a young
person from both the nurturing Parent and the Natural Child in his
mother and father, or from other, older people in his life, and they are
invaluable. If they are given often enough, and in particular, if they
are given when they are needed, they will satisfy virtually all
of a young person’s emotional and psychological needs. Thus, if they
are given to a youngster when he is tired, run down, perplexed,
overwhelmed, or unable to deal effectively with some issue he faces, and
when it is important for him to learn that he is still loved, and that
there is nothing inherently “wrong” with him, they will prepare him to
deal effectively with virtually all the ups and downs of life that he
will ever face.
If a young person receives enough unconditional positive
strokes, he will be ready to move forward in life without any
psychological or emotional encumbrances. Most importantly, he will be
able to move forward without having to actively seek any more
strokes, and, in particular, without having to look for strokes in
underhanded or dysfunctional ways. He will have learned to give
unconditional positive strokes in the same way that he learned to
receive them. Hugging, smiling, and openly caring for people are acts
that will come easy to him – and by giving strokes freely, and without
conditions, he will find that strokes are returned to him just as freely
as they have been given.
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