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MISCELLANEOUS
Quotes
from The Martian
In Jut Meininger's book How To Run Your Own Life (originally
published in 1976 and re-edited in 2001), two characters,
a "Martian" and an "Earth Person," engage in an ongoing dialog about the
problems the Earth Person faces in running his own life. The
Martian represents clarity - that is, the ability to see and hear things
without prejudice or distortion. (This is an extension of an
approach originally used by Eric Berne, who developed the notion of
"Martian thinking.") Coming from another planet, the Martian has
no instructions about what things on earth "mean," and he makes no
assumptions about the implications of what he observes. He sees
and hears without distorting or coloring his perceptions with prejudice.
He is subject to none of the usual confusions besetting Earth People,
and he provides a totally unbiased sounding board for the Earth Person
to use in examining his life plan, changing his old decisions, and
formulating his new way of life.
Here are a few of the Martian's
observations:
"With clarity, there are no unobtainable
goals."
The Martian, How To Run Your Own Life, p.
20.
"Living is a process of making
decisions about how to run your life, and then acting out those
decisions. It's a process that never stops."
The Martian, How To Run Your Own Life, p.
21.
"The basic source of human power is to want."
The Martian, How to Run Your Own Life, p.
203.
"If you don't know what you want, you can
never arrange to get it."
The Martian, How To Run Your Own Life, p.
25.
"Knowing what you don't want is not
nearly as useful as knowing what you want. Knowing what you don't
want only tells you what things to eliminate from your life.
Knowing what you want tells you what to replace them with."
The Martian, How To Run Your Own Life, p.
22.
"In order to decide what you want, you must
first learn how you stop yourself from knowing what you want."
The Martian, How To Run Your Own Life, p.
25.
"The issue isn't one of trusting others, but
rather of learning to trust your own perceptions of others."
Comments, How To Run Your Own Life, p. 48.
"People...only assume responsibility for
acting on information that they admit to themselves they possess."
The Martian, How To Run Your Own Life, p.
55.
"People who succeed in life think about the
future in a different way [than most others do]. They don't think
about the disaster that might occur if they were to use their Adapted
Child. They think about the success that will inevitably occur if
they use their Natural Child and their Adult."
The Martian, How To Run Your Own Life, p.
113.
"There's always a certain amount of nervous
energy involved in anticipating the future. This energy can be
turned into fear, by thinking of how your Adapted Child will handle
things, or it can be turned into excitement and eagerness, by thinking
of how your Natural Child and Adult will arrange to get what you want
out of life. People who succeed generate excitement. People
who fail generate fear."
The Martian, How To Run Your Own Life, p.
113.
"The history of how you learned to feel is the
history of how you learned to use, and how how you learned to focus,
your energy."
Comments, How To Run Your Own Life, p. 118.
"Almost all Earth People go through their
lives justifying the limitations they've placed on themselves.
That's how they keep their life plan intact."
The Martian, How To Run Your Own Life, p.
164.
"Life is very much a continuum. What
you've decided in the past has brought you to the present. And
what you decide in the present about your present actions will take you
into the future. By changing what you do now (and often changing a
past decision in the process), you can redirect the future course of
your life in any way that you please!"
Comments, How To Run Your Own Life, p. 171.
"The solution to every problem is hidden in
the description of the problem. You need only listen for it."
The Martian, How To Run Your Own Life, p.
215.
Here are a few Martian Dialogs -
conversations between the "Martian" and the "Earth Person" taken from Jut
Meininger's book How To Run Your Own Life.
Martian Dialog #1
EP: I've been giving some thought to what you said. I guess
one of the reasons I can't say for sure I want to become rich and happy
is that it all seems so far away. I mean, it doesn't have anything
to do with my life! Right now, I'd just like to get out of
this mess I'm in.
M: They both involve the same process. You can use the process to
get out of your mess, and then you can continue to use it to get
anything else you want.
EP:
Well, I do want to get out of this mess.
M: Good.
EP: But I don't know where to start!
M: When is a more useful question to
ask yourself.
EP: What do you mean, "When?"
M: When you will start is more
important than where you will start.
EP: Why is that?
M: Looking for a place to start, and never
finding it, is a way to keep yourself from starting.
Martian Dialogs, How To Run Your Own Life,
p. 29.
Martian Dialog #2
EP: (In a determined voice) All right!
What do I need to do [to start]?
M: You first need to learn to see and hear
like a Martian.
EP: (Incredulously) See and hear like a
Martian? What's so important about that?
M: Once you see and hear like a Martian,
you'll see where you are, what you're doing, and where it's leading you.
You'll hear what you're saying, and where your words lead. Then
you'll know what to change. Seeing and hearing provide a base from
which to start.
Martian Dialogs, How To Run Your Own Life,
p. 30.
Martian Dialog #3
EP: Why can you Martians see and hear
so much better than Earth People?
M: It's not that we see better. It's
that we don't place interpretations on what we see. Earth People
see briefly - they see part of what's happening but then they place
interpretations on what they see and stop themselves from seeing any
further.
Martian Dialogs, How To Run You Own Life,
p. 30.
Martian Dialog #4
M: [For example], when your boss told
you last week that he thought you'd done a good job, you felt pleased.
You thought he was talking about you.
EP: Well, he was!
M: No. He was talking about himself.
He was saying he felt pleased.
EP: But he didn't say that! He said that
I'd done a good job. He referred directly to me!
M: That's what I mean. You insist on
making assumptions.
EP: Didn't he say that? Didn't he use
those words?
M: He did use those words, but what he
was doing was making a statement about himself. He was saying what
he felt, and what he thought.
EP (Pause) Oh. I think I see what you
mean. But doesn't everybody do that? Doesn't everybody just
say what he thinks and feels?
M: Yes. And that's exactly my point.
If you weren't so concerned with your own self-importance, and so
hypnotized by the word "you," you'd always hear things exactly as they
are.
EP: Hypnotized?
M: Yes. Now, when you hear the word
"you," you believe it has something to do with you personally, and you
gauge your responses accordingly.
EP: And what would I hear if I weren't
hypnotized?
M: Someone making a statement that included
the word "you."
Martian Dialogs, How To Run Your Own Life,
p.32.
Martian Dialog #5
EP: Is there [any way I can learn] to see and
hear clearly?
M: Yes. You'll need to learn to see and hear
with a broader perspective. Are you interested?
EP: I sure am!
M: All right, then. You'll need to learn
to detach yourself from your surroundings, and to see yourself as a
disinterested observer; as if you were me, seeing you. If
you'd done this with your boss, or today at lunch with Mary, you'd have
seen yourself reacting to them and you'd have been able to stop yourself
from reacting as you did.
EP: But what would I have done instead?
M: (Patiently) Now you're talking about
doing. That involves a different decision from seeing, and we
haven't even determined, for sure, that you want to see!
EP: What do you mean?
M: It's no help to take decisions out of
sequence. Seeing comes first. After we're certain you've
decided to see, then we can talk about doing.
EP: All right. Can you teach me how to
see and hear like a Martian?
M: It isn't teachable. But you can
learn by watching and listening to me.
EP: That doesn't seem too hard.
M: Well, the watching and listening may not be
difficult, but the decision to see and hear like a Martian can
be. It's a different decision from deciding to just watch and
listen. In fact, it's a decision you may not want to make.
You may have to give up your fantasies.
EP: Huh?
M: You have certain ideas about life that
aren't consistent with the way life really is. These ideas are
fantasies that you adopted in the past, which have served you until now,
and you may not want to give them up.
Martian Dialogs, How To Run Your Own Life,
p. 33.
Martian Dialog #6
EP: But won't I become cold and calculating if
I give up my fantasies?
M: No. People always think this will
happen, but it never does. You'll merely replace your old
fantasies with new ones, but not until after you have learned to see.
Martian Dialogs, How To Run Your Own Life,
p. 35.
Martian Dialog #7
EP: But wouldn't the world be in chaos if
everyone did what he or she really wanted?
M: What makes you say that?
EP: People would probably be running around in
the streets robbing, and raping, and pillaging! You just can't let
everyone do what he or she want in life.
M: Where did you learn that?
EP: What do you mean?
M: You learned it somewhere. Someone
told it to you.
EP: What do you say that?
M: Because it's not accurate. Earth
People often say things like that to stop themselves from doing what
they want. They scare themselves. And they try to prevent
others from ding what they want to do, also.
EP: But why wouldn't the world be chaotic?
M: People as a whole wouldn't want the world
to be in chaos. Chaos gets in the way of success. Given the
choice, people would intuitively work out a method to do what they
wanted, but in a way that kept the world from becoming chaotic.
Martian Dialogs, How To Run Your Own Life,
p. 22.
Martian Dialog #8
EP: Why is it so important for me to know what
I feel?
M: Ah! That's a very interesting
question. It's one I myself asked when I first came to Earth.
It happens that Earth People have a very peculiar mechanism that
motivates them to say and do things mainly on the basis of what they
feel. Yet, interestingly, very few Earth People actually know what
they feel. And many of those who do have trouble acknowledging it.
EP: Why is that?
M: It's a very strange phenomenon. It
appears that most young Earth People are trained by their mothers
and fathers not to know what they feel.
EP: That's hard to believe. Why do you
say that?
M: Well, Earth People, as a group, have never
developed an effective way of dealing with their feelings - particularly
their negative feelings like anger and guilt, but also some of their
positive feelings, like love and job and sexuality. They're
trained not to feel these feelings, or not to feel them too intensely;
or if they do feel them, they're trained not to be aware of them.
Only a very few lucky children escape this difficulty.
EP: Why do you say they're lucky?
M: Because they grow up with a great
advantage over everyone else. They develop unusually fine
instincts and intuition. Their "gut" responses to life are highly
accurate, and their perceptions are unusually well-developed. They
acquire a good "feel" for life, and a talent for doing many things.
They become very successful.
EP: All because they learned to know what they
feel? Don't brains and intelligence have anything to do with it?
M: Not very much.
Martian Dialogs, How To Run Your Own Life,
p, 37.
Martian Dialog #9
EP: So, what you're saying is that it's more
important for me to learn what I feel than it is to learn anything else?
M: Yes. Particularly at this point in
your life. You need to redevelop your potential. Information
about other things may be useful later on.
EP: That sounds pretty sill. I'm not a
basket case. I already know what I feel - at least most of the
time.
M: You know that you feel, but you frequently
don't know what you feel; and you don't know how to act on your
feelings. Often the fact that you're feeling something is only a
dim awareness in the back of your mind. You're not close enough to
your feelings to know what they are, and you don't know how to operate
from them.
Martian Dialogs, How To Run Your Own Life,
p. 38.
Martian Dialog #10
EP: Why do mothers and fathers train their
children not to know what they feel if it's so harmful?
M: They don't know any better. They
themselves were trained that way. It's been passed down from
generation to generation. They do it without thinking. It's
been going on like that for a long time.
EP: Is this training done consciously?
M: Not at all. Sometimes it isn't even
done actively. Sometimes a youngster's environment is made so
uncomfortable for him that he trains himself not to feel, or not
to know what he feels. He splits himself off from his feelings.
EP: (Taking a deep breath) I hear what you're
saying about all this, and I think I might be this type of person.
I might have a lot of feelings I simply don't want to feel.
I mean, there's no sense dwelling on the fact that I'm depressed if I
can't do anything about it.
M: Ah, but you can do something about it.
You can change what you feel. It's just that most Earth People
don't know they can.
EP: You mean that I can stop feeling
depressed, and feel happy instead? And I can get rid of my
feelings of self-doubt and actually feel self-confident and happy, all
the time?!
M: Absolutely. And when you feel
self-confident, you'll be able to accomplish a great deal more than ever
before.
Martian Dialogs, How To Run Your Own Life,
p. 38.
Martian Dialog #11
EP: And can you teach me to do this?
M: There you go again! Thinking someone
else must teach you and denying your capacity to learn for yourself!
EP: I don't understand.
M: I know. But it's something I can't teach
you. You must learn it for yourself. It's an individual
experience.
EP: (Hesitating) But do you think I can?
M: You're doubting yourself. You were
trained to doubt yourself. You'll have to learn not to do that,
and you'll have to give up the feeling of self-doubt that induces such
questions.
EP: But is there anything you can do to help
me?
M: Yes, there is. The process of getting
clear is like a journey, and I can travel alongside you as you go
through it.
EP: Will you help direct me?
M: No. No one can direct your journey.
It wouldn't be yours if they could. But you'll be making a series
of decisions along the way, and I can help you outline hour options.
I can also remind you of earlier decisions you've made that may reflect
on your new ones.
EP: (Pause) How will I know when the process
is finished - when my journey is complete?
M: You'll know.
EP: Could you give me a clue?
M: When the process is complete, you'll have
the clarity of a Martian and be able to get anything you want.
Martian Dialogs, How To Run Your Own Life,
p. 38.
Martian Dialog #12
EP: (Enthusiastically) Okay. I'm ready
to start learning to see like a Martian. I really don't have much
choice, because I sure don't like this mess I'm in.
M: You can choose to keep things the same to
stay in the mess.
EP: (With conviction) That's not an option I'm
willing to consider.
M: Good. You sound like you've decided
to proceed.
EP (Pause) You seem convinced that I meant
what I said just now about being ready to start. But how can you
tell? How do you know I'm not still just toying with the idea?
M: How did you know I was convinced that you
were ready?
EP: (Thinking) You sounded convinced.
M: Well, you sounded ready to start. If
you hadn't been ready, your voice would have been different. It
would have been less believable. There would have been some doubt
in it. (Pause) Now, you tell me. How could you
tell that I sounded convinced?
EP: I don't know. You just sounded that
way.
M: Can you tell the difference between when
someone sounds convinced and when he doesn't?
EP Yes.
M: Do you trust your perceptions on this?
EP: Yes.
M: Good! Be sure to remember this
conversation. We'll come across situations where you won't trust
your perceptions, where you won't believe you can perceive accurately.
It will be important for you to remember that you do have this capacity.
Martian Dialogs, How TO Run Your Own Life,
p. 43.
Martian Dialog #13
EP: (Earnestly) But what about people who are
lying - people who are trying to fool me? Will I be able to see
through them?
M: I hear you wanting to make a statement.
EP: Huh?
M: You phrased your sentence as a question,
but I heard you wanting to make a statement.
EP: What kind of statement?
M: A statement about how some people can fool
you.
EP: No. I wasn't trying to make a
statement. I wanted to learn more about people who lie.
M: (Impatiently) Look. I trust my
perceptions. I know you wanted to make a statement.
EP: (Dumbfounded)
M: Well?
EP: (Grudgingly) On, all right, if you
insist. People sure can fool me, if they want to. Sometimes
I just can't tell if they're lying or not.
M: Good! That's clear.
EP: (Quizzically) How could you tell I really
wanted to make a statement when I asked that question?
M: My perceptions. I always trust them.
EP: Then why can't I trust my
perceptions? How do people fool me?
M: Perceptions happen in the present.
Fooling happens in the future based on your assumptions and
expectations of what's going to happen.
Martian Dialogs, How To Run Your Own Life,
p. 44.
Martian Dialog #14
EP: I've never thought of myself as having
separate parts [or ego states]. I've always thought of myself more
as having just one part that changed a lot. Like, one moment I'd
feel relaxed and comfortable, and the next, tense and irritable.
M: That's very perceptive, but not
entirely accurate. It's a matter of focus. You've been
focusing on yourself as a totality. If you were to focus instead
on your separate parts, you'd experience that you in fact didn't change,
but merely alternated your separate parts.
EP: How's that?
M: You're comprised of separate parts.
You don't change, and your parts don't change - at least not very much.
Your parts merely take turns surfacing. They appear, and then they
disappear. Then they reappear all over again. Each part is
different enough from the others so that together, as the come and go,
they give the appearance that you're constantly changing. You're
really not.
EP: But what is this about focusing?
M: If you focus on yourself as a totality,
you'll appear to be changing as each of your parts takes turns emerging.
This is how you've seen yourself in the past. But if you focus
instead on your separate parts, you'll see that you really remain
constant, merely alternating parts.
Martian Dialogs, How To Run Your Own Life,
p. 59.
Martian Dialog #15
M: What made you think you could get rich from
reading books?
EP: I don't know. I have to learn
somehow!
M: Yes. But why turn to reading?
EP: I guess because it's the only way I know
how to learn. I don't know any other way.
M: Do you think most rich people learned to
get rich from reading books?
EP: Now that you mention it, probably not.
But how did they learn?
M: From experience.
EP: What do you mean?
M> The best way to learn is from experience.
EP: But that's why I got the books! To
find out about the experiences of people who've already gotten
rich!
M: They're the ones who experienced getting
rich. What you're experiencing is reading about it. The two
experiences are different.
EP? How are they different?
M: Your experience will enable you to
become a good source of information about how other people got rich.
However, their experience enabled them to get rich.
Martian Dialogs, How To Run Your Own Life,
p. 122.
Martian Dialog #16
EP: What's the reality that I'm hiding from?
M: That you can get rich any way you want.
EP: But I don't know how to get rich?
M: That's your Adapted Child speaking.
EP: No, it's not. It's my Adult!
M: There may be an Adult component to your
statement, but what I heard was your Adapted Child.
EP: What makes you say that?
M: I heard it. But in addition,
it's a stock Adapted child response. Little children are always
saying "I don't know" and "I don't know how" when big people ask them
things. They're afraid of being punished. You've been
programmed to say that for years. (Speaking casually) How
are you preventing yourself from deciding how you want to get rich?
EP: (Defensively) What do you mean,
"Preventing myself?"
M: You know.
EP: (Even more defensively) Wait just a minute
now. You're taking a lot for granted. You're really
beginning to push me!
M; It's a favor.
EP: (Explosively) What?! Pushing me is a
favor?
M: Yes. It's like the gift I gave you
earlier. I don't have to push you. Consider it a gift
EP: Hmmm. (Thinking deeply) What did you
ask me?
M: What you're doing to prevent yourself from
deciding how you want to get rich.
EP: I really can't say I know.
M" What are you feeling right now?
EP: I'm confused again. Hiding from
something, I guess...
M: How does it serve you to stay confused?
EP: How does it serve me?
M: Yes. What are you getting out of
staying confused that makes you do it so automatically?
EP: Well... I guess one thing is I don't have
to acknowledge your statement is correct. I don't have to believe
it! And if I stay confused, I can avoid being clear enough to know
what you're saying is true!
M: And why do you want to do that?
EP: Because if I acknowledged it was true, it
would be very scary!
M: You'd scare yourself?
EP: Yes.
M: What's that about?
EP: It means I'd have to look at a lot of
things around me - things I've used to justify staying poor - and I'd
have to do something about them. I can't acknowledge your
statement and still keep things the same in my life.
M: That awareness is worth holding on to.
Stay with it for a moment. That's one thing you're doing to
prevent yourself form deciding to get rich.
EP: (Pause) I see what you mean. I'm
trying to hold on to my past. I don't want to give it up. I
don't want to go into the future!
M: You don't want to change and go into
the future. You'd prefer to get rich without doing anything
differently, and without seeing any more clearly than you do right now.
You'd prefer to go into the future that way. But you can't,
and still get rich. It's impossible. Your present level of
awareness and your present way of doing things have led to the mess
you're in. If you continue with them, you'll remain poor and
unhappy.
Martian Dialogs, How To Run Your Own Life,
p. 125.
Martian Dialog #17
EP: Martian?
M: Yes?
EP: After I stop scaring myself - entirely,
that is, will it be easy for me to realize my aspirations in life?
M: As easy as you want to make it.
EP: No. I didn't mean it that way.
(Mildly frustrated) I guess I meant to make a statement... I'm
wondering if fear is my only obstacle to getting rich.
M" Fear isn't an obstacle. Fear is a way
of using energy.
EP: Then what is my present obstacle,
if it isn't fear?
M: Confusion.
EP: You mean the confusions and fantasies I
carry around with me?
M: Yes. And the decisions you've made
about your life that are based on them.
EP: Okay. But when I stop scaring
myself, I'll be able to re-decide those decisions, and I'll give up my
confusions and fantasies, right?
M: Yes. You'll trade your confusions in
for clarity. You've already started to do it.
Martian Dialogs, How To Run Your Own Life,
p. 133.
Martian Dialog #18
M: How does your fear serve you?
EP: Well... (Thinking seriously) It keeps me
worried. It keeps me uptight.
M: And how does it serve you to stay worried?
EP: (Pausing thoughtfully) It enables me to
stop myself. It enables me to decide to change my mind - to stop
myself from just going ahead and doing what I want.
M: Do you want to do that?
EP: No.
M: Okay, then. How do you get into it?
How do you set up the worry and the fear?
EP: I hear them complain, and I start thinking
that they won't go along with me because that's what they're saying!
They're saying they won't go along!
M: And?
EP: And I think that if they won't go along,
I'll have to back down.
M: Why is that?
EP: Because they're my family. I
shouldn't be the source of all their problems, and I certainly don't
want to cause a breakup!
M: Okay. And how do you scare yourself?
EP: Well, right at this point I start becoming
afraid I won't get what I want.
M: And do you remember what I said fear was?
EP: Yes. You said fear was using energy
to stop myself.
M: Do you see the connection?
EP: What? (Deep silence) Oh... wow!
That's horrible! As soon as I become afraid I won't get what I
want, I automatically start using my energy to stop myself; because
that's what fear is - using energy to stop myself! God! It's
almost a guarantee that I won't get what I want!
Martian Dialogs, How To Run Your Own Life,
p. 139.
Martian Dialog #19
EP: I wonder how all this is going to turn
out.
M: How what's going to turn out?
EP: My life. I'm making some big
changes, ho know, and I'm wondering what's going to happen on down the
road. Like, does it all turn out the way I want, or will I just go
on struggling as I am now for the rest of my life?
M: DO you want to go on struggling?
EP: No. OF course not! Not if I
don't have to!
M; You don't have to if you don't want to.
EP: What do you mean by that?
M: If you want to, you can stop struggling.
You don't have to struggle. The struggle is only in your
head.
EP: That sound crazy. I'm obviously
having a terrible time with all this. It's very difficult for me!
M: You don't have to struggle.
EP: (Pause) I guess I don't understand what
you're taking about.
M: The part of you that's interested in
struggling can stop struggling. You don't have to make it hard on
yourself.
EP: Some part of me is struggling, when
I really don't have to?
M: Yes.
EP: How can you tell?
M: By observing you. You're struggling.
You even said so yourself.
EP: But what makes you say it's in my head?
This struggle is real. I'm up to my neck in it.
M: What's real is that you're changing your
life. What's in your head is that you're struggling.
Martian Dialogs, How To Run Your Own Life,
p. 173.
Martian Dialog #20
M: So long as you're still carrying around
unfinished business, you can't get on with changing the rest of your
life. You'll lack the power you need to gain autonomy over your
behavior.
EP: You mean unfinished business keeps me from
having power?
M: Yes. Actually, your unfinished
business involves all those situations where you were forced into
powerless positions against your will when you were young. What's
unfinished is that you need to take back your power.
Martian Dialogs, How To Run Your Own Life,
p. 186.
Martian Dialog #21
M: The solution to every problem is hidden in
the description of the problem. You need only listen for it.
EP: Hmmm. (Thoughtfully) Yeah. I guess
you're right. That's really the way we've been doing this all
along, isn't it? As I've been describing each problem, you've been
hearing the solution and pointing it out to me. Like, what tapes
to turn off and such.
M: Yes.
EP: Funny. But I never quite thought of
it that way. I never thought that the solution to a problem could
be hidden in its description!
M: That's why hearing is so important.
Martian Dialogs, How To Run Your Own Life,
p. 215.
Martian Dialog #22
M: Now there's one last thing to remember -
something that will help you in many future situations.
EP: Okay. What is it?
M: Powerlessness. It's your fear of
powerlessness.
EP: What do you mean?
M> Whenever you stoop yourself from doing what
you want, there's an Adapted Child feeling you're trying to avoid.
Under each Adapted Child feeling you try to avoid, there's a more basic
feeling of powerlessness. It's the source of all your fear.
It's the ultimate feeling all Earth People avoid.
EP: It's the opposite of powerful!
M: Yes. And the important insight is
that the way to overcome all the Adapted Child feelings you don't like
is to discover the powerless component in them, and simply do away with
it by finding a way to feel powerful in each situation.
EP: And this works for all situations?
M: Absolutely.
EP: Wow! This is almost the ultimate
secret!
M: It is for Earth People. There's
nothing more important ot know on Earth. If you use it carefully,
you can have everything you want.
Martian Dialogs, How To Run Your Own Life, p. 146.
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